Lesson of passion dating game

28-Sep-2017 11:02

Hearing this woman — an attractive, 38-year-old solicitor — describe how she watched her ex swagger away from the encounter, clearly feeling more powerful than ever, was horribly familiar.Sexually satisfied, and with his ego pulsating thanks to the proof that the woman he had betrayed was still attracted to him, how else would he have felt other than fantastic?You can’t turn off fancying someone in the same way you flick a light switch; especially when you shared a healthy sex life, as they once did.Understandably, his revelation about his engagement fired up every angry fibre of righteous indignation in my client’s being.And of course the very best revenge in this kind of situation doesn’t involve sex at all — at least not with the person you hate.

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This was three minutes of television that became sexually charged in such a twisted way it made for uncomfortable viewing, to say the least.

In the ensuing row, the more infuriated they got with each other, the more aroused they also seemed to become.

In what felt like a nanosecond, she told me, her fury turned into a form of sexual excitement so intense that kissing each other suddenly seemed the most natural thing in the world.

And, should you cross that line, a whole cascade of powerful feel-good hormones — dopamine, oxytocin and adrenaline — are released, putting you on an emotional high. But, of course, like any act committed in anger or revenge, as good as hate sex indisputably feels in the moment, it doesn’t actually resolve any issues — indeed, it runs the risk of spectacularly backfiring.

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It’s like having a fantastic, booze-fuelled evening and then regretting it all the next day.

Sexual desire is ignited inside the temporal lobe in the brain, which sits behind our forehead — and in one area of it in particular, the amygdala, where our most powerful emotions are processed.

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